The Doubts Inside Us
by SarahBethWhitlock
Summary: I love him with every fiber of my being, with every bone in my body...But it was so hard. Because of her. I hate her, with every bone in my bode and every fiber of my being
1. The Doubts Inside Us, Introduction

Bella stared at the picture of them with nothing, but hatred in her eyes. She loved the man in the picture deeply...it was the woman. She hated that woman with every bone in her body, with every fiber of her being. She stared at the smiling face of her husband. That smile was the same one that he gave her, with the same look of love in his eyes. It made her wonder if he still loved her. Was he just using her as a replacement? It was a question that popped into her mind many times. They share two babies together, they were married for seven years. They very obviously loved each other at one point...right? Did he love her more than me? She wondered. Does he love me more than her? Does he care more for me or her? If both of our lives were on the line..would he say his wife or the woman that give him two beautiful babies?

Bella glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and cursed under her breath. Jasper would be home soon and she didn't want him to know she was going through this box. This box was suppose to stay all the way in the darkest corner of their walk in closet. . He kept all the pictures and such for his daughter's. He didn't feel like it was right to just throw them out because of the kids. In a way Hannah understood, in fact she voted for keeping the pictures...but it still bugged her. It drove her crazy actually.

Most the time she ignored the box, but today she was busy cleaning out the closet and before she knew it she was looking at the pictures. She hated herself for doing it. She knew she shouldn't have, but she did. She couldn't help it. She was like a cutter, the pain the pictures caused hurt so badly but she couldn't help but make the pain appear.

Bella heard the front door slam and rushed to put the box back into the closet. Wiping her tear's, she put on a smile and headed downstairs to greet her husband of two weeks.

**Author's Note – So this is a little story that popped into my head one day that I decided to get off my chest. Main reason I actually decided to write and post it is because my new hubby has a ex-wife and has a daughter with her and no matter how much you try to not think about it...The thought of does he still love her is always there and writing helps me work through my emotions about it. **

**Anyway this first little bit is just to introduce the story and within the next couple days I will have the first chapter out and it will take us back to the start of Jasper and Bella's relationship. Hope you all enjoy and leave me some love!**

**By the way I don't have a beta! All the mistakes in this story are my own!**

**And as always all characters belong to the amazing !**


	2. The Doubts Inside Us, Chapter One

_**Bella's Point Of View**_

I stared at the screen in front of me. Not really believing that I was desperate enough of to try a online dating site, but sure enough here I was at 11 at night filling out all these stupid question's in order to find 'the love of my life'. I quickly answered all the question's losing interest rather quickly. I don't see how what kind of movies I watch has to do with finding the love of my life, but whatever. I quickly typed in a few movies, finished up the question's and hit the complete profile button.

I slowly looked through the site. Seeing some rather handsome men, but after reading their profiles I just wasn't interested. All of them was talking about just living life and just having fun. I'm all for having fun, but I also want a serious and committed relationship and these guys seemed to be wanting the opposite of that. Huffing I set back in my chair and grabbed my cigarettes. Lighting one I breath a sigh of relief as the cool taste of Marlboro Smooths filled my lungs. I refreshed the web page and boom. Five new messages popped up.

Somewhat excited to see what type of guys messaged me, I hurried to click on the little button and was filled with nothing but disappointment as I read the messages. Two was from a man in his late 50's and the other three was offer's of sex. I have had my fair share of one night stands...Okay, maybe not my fair share...Just one, but still it counts. Either way that's not what I'm looking for now.

Irritated, I closed the browser and moved over to my bed with my cigarette and ashtray in hand. In a way I was disappointment, but at the same time I knew that site wasn't going to all the sudden bring in the man of my dreams and we was going to live happily ever after. Butting my cigarettes, I pushed back the covers on my bed and stripped down to just my panties. Pulling the covers back over me, I decided to hell with that site as my eyes fluttered closed.

I groaned as the annoying noise of my alarm clock woke me up. There was nothing I hated more in this world then my alarm clock. I hate waking up early, but I had a 8am class that I couldn't miss no matter how badly I wanted to cuddle back into my blankets and go back to sleep. Glancing at my clock I decided that a few more minutes of laying in bed wouldn't kill anyone and hit the snooze button.

"Fuck me!" I screamed as I woke up and realized that it was 8am on the dot.

"I will!" I heard someone yell back, though I wasn't sure if it was Rose or Alice. Probably Alice, I decided.

I shook my head and jumped up, rushing to my closet. I threw on the first thing I saw and ran to the bathroom to empty my bladder and brush my teeth. Back in the bedroom I tossed on some sandals and threw my long messy hair up into a ponytail. Running out my bedroom door I flew by Alice who was sitting at the counter and grabbed the pop tart she had inches from her mouth before running out the front door, shouting a 'thank you' behind me. As the door slammed shut behind me I heard Alice's reply of 'whore' and giggled as I took a bite of her toasted perfectly blueberry pop tart. I've been living with Alice and Rose since Freshmen year. Alice and I shared a room and Rose was in the room next to us. After a month we became best friends and when Alice threw a fit to her daddy about the nasty dorm rooms he got her a condo and she very sweetly made sure it was a three bedroom so Rose and I could live with her. The past three years we have become attached to the hip. Well most the time anyway, the other half Rose if attached to Emmett's her long term boyfriend from high school. Sadly though he is going to college out of state and doesn't get to come see her as much as she'd like. Alice though, she is generally stuck to any hot girls hip that will spend the night with her. I would never call her a slut to her face, but that's just not what best friends do. In reality though that's exactly what she is. I can't really blame her though. This is our last year here and after this it's nothing, but work hard and play little. So while we can, we mind as well have as much fun as possible...I guess.

Thankfully, I made it to class only 30 minutes late and instead of getting another speech about being on time my professor just gave me a dirty look as I took my seat. Afterward, since it was my only class today I decided to stop and get some lunch before going home. I knew Alice would probably already be in classes up to her ears and Rose would probably be busy too. So there was no point in going home to a empty house. Deciding I needed the walk, I decided to go a few blocks over to my favorite little diner. There was a cute little couple that ran the place. They had to be in their late 60's, but they acted like they was still 20 years old with stars in their eyes and newly in love. It was bittersweet to see. As a hopeless romantic, I admit I'm always looking for love...in all the wrong places.

There was Paul who I dated when I was 16 and was 100% sure that I was in love with. He ended up cheating on me four days after I gave him my virginity. After him I decided fuck love and had a one night stand. Sam was six years older then me and as it turns out had a wife. The one night stand turned into a fuck buddy thing until I found his wedding band in his wallet. After that there was a bunch of relationship's, none of which lasted more then a month. Finally though I got sick of the games and decided being single would be best and since then its just been me and BOB.

Shaking my head at my hopeless love life, I grabbed my iPod from my bag and turned it up as loud as it would go. My thoughts just depressed me and the music chased away the thoughts better then anything. Finally reaching the diner I pulled out on of my ear bubs and smiled at the warm greeting Dale gave me.

"Look who it is!" He gave me a warm hug. "What happened to you? We haven't seen you in ages!"

"Dale, I was just in here last week." I chuckled. "I can't be in here everyday or I'll get fat and then I'd really be in trouble." I rolled my eyes at myself. Get fat? I think I was already there. I defiantly put on a lot of weight, but food was my comfort and since it seemed no one wanted to date me anyway it's not like my weight really mattered, right..?

"Pft, you could gain 100 pounds and still be beautiful, Bella."

"Dale, you're just saying that so I'll keep coming back...But that's okay I still love ya. Now where is that sweet ol' lady of yours?"

"I'm right here, sweetie!" I heard her call from the kitchen. "What'll be today? Cheese steak?"

"You know it!" I called back and went to grab a seat. Yawning as I put my bad on the table I grabbed my laptop and went about checking all my mail. Facebook first, then Twitter, Aol and last, but not least Yahoo. After logging in I was shocked to see I had over 50 messages. Mostly my family uses this email. Eyes widening I realized why. I used this address for the dating site. Surprised I had over 40 messages that was letting me know I have new mail from other users. Quickly opening a new window, I went to the website and logged in. Going through about half the messages it was the same as last night, most was offer's of sex and some was old pervs wanting a sugar baby.

Irritated I started just going through the users names, until finally I saw one that caught my eye. _SeattleRomantic_

_Bella, your pictures are very beautiful. You seem like a very well rounded girl and I would love to get to know you more. Your profile says your looking for something serious and just to let you know I too am looking for something that is serious and long term. _

_The first thing you should know about me is that I have two daughter's. Twins to be exact and I've been divorced for about a year and a half. I know that doesn't say a lot for me since I'm only 26, but please don't judge a book by it's cover. Maybe if you'd like I can tell you the story so you can in fact judge it, but until then I wish you all the best and hope you find whatever it is your looking for. - J _

**Author's Note – So I hope you guys enjoyed the first real chapter of this story. Let me know what you think. **

**Again I have no beta for this story, so all mistakes are my own. **

**And as always all characters belong to **

**Also since I didn't reply to the two review's I got I just want to thank you two for reviewing the story. Lots of love goes out to all that is reading it!**

_J_


	3. The Doubt Inside Us, Chapter Three

_**Author's Note – **_

_**Bella's messages will be in bold**_

_**Jasper's will be in italic**_

_**Enjoy(:**_

_**Bella's Point Of View **_

I stared at the message for a long moment. Out of all those messages only one seemed semi normal. Smiling I clicked on his profile. Two pictures popped up. One was of a man who I'd guess was SeattleRomantic. He wasn't the best looking man I've seen, but he had some nice features. His eyes stood out the most. The bright blue and green mixed was just something I'd never seen before. His lips looked rather thin, but had a pretty rose color to them. He didn't look 26 though, maybe because of his face. His face had a roundness to it that made him look younger, I decided. The second pictures was also of him, but he had his arms wrapped around two little girls that looked to be about 6 years old. You could easily tell they are his daughters. All three of them had the same eyes and nose. The girls hair was much lighter, blond with some darker streaks and their lips were more plump. I guess they took those two things after their mother.

His profile was rather simple. Him just saying pretty much what he told me. He has been divorced for a year and a half, but single for a little over two years. And that he had to two daughters. I was kinda disappointed by the lack of detail, but figured maybe I could ask him all the question's that I had.

**Thank you for your compliment and yes I am looking for something serious. I do not like to play games and refuse to be with someone that does. **

**By the way your daughters are very beautiful and they look almost exactly like you. How old are they? **

**Your profile says that you've been single for two years. Sorry for digging, but did you have a long divorce? If I'm getting to personal just let me know. Wishing you all the best.**

**P.S – How are you today?**

Reading over what I wrote I decided that it was a good enough message and quickly hit send before I chickened out. Opening another tab, I got back on Facebook and scrolled through the news feed while I waited on my food. Finally after what seemed like forever Dale brought it out to me with a big glass of sweet tea.

"Thank you." I mumbled, somewhat distracted as I checked my mail again.

"Enjoy."

Oh wow that was fast. He had already relayed. Forgetting that my food was getting cold, I quickly clicked on the message.

_I'm very glad to hear you don't want to play games...as it seems that's what most girls want these days. _

_And thank you. I know my girls look just like me. I haven't decided just yet if that is a curse or a blessing. We shall see I guess. _

_Your not digging...well, you are. But that's what this site is for, is it not? If you didn't ask question's then I would be worried. Yes, me and my ex-wife did have a bit of a messy split. We both wanted full custody of the girls and we fought over a few other things that I had worked all my life to gain. The good news is after almost a year I did in fact get my house that I bought and I got joint custody. So I guess in the end the fight was worth it. _

_How long have you been single and what has been your longest relationship, if you don't mind me asking?_

_P.S I'm doing great. How about yourself?_

I forgot where I was and zoned out on his messages, reading every line carefully not to miss anything. He seemed like a decent guy, but I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have then crushed. Jasper seemed like such a old name for someone that was only 26, but I decided that I didn't have much room to talk with the name Isabella. Besides maybe it was a family name.

**As I said your girls are very beautiful little ones, so I'd say it is a blessing. No way such beauty could be a curse. I'm sorry that you had such a rough divorce. My parents went through a pretty nasty split, so while I don't know what it's like first hand, I do in a way understand what it's like. **

**I've been single for about 2 years now. I just haven't found anyone that interest me enough to date right now, but maybe that'll change soon. Sadly all of my relationships have been under a month. Guys play too many games and 99% of the time are only looking for a quick lay and once they figure out their not getting that from me they loss interest rather quickly. **

**How often do you have your daughters? What are their names? Do you want more kids?**

**P.S Doing great, thank you(:**

While I waited for a reply I cut into my now cold cheese steak sandwich and started eating slowing, watching the computer like a hawk. I knew getting into a relationship with a guy that had kids wasn't the smartest idea, but I liked talking to him. He seemed sweet and quite and well a lot like me. I couldn't help the huge smile on my face as I saw the he reply.

_I guess in a way you are right, but think about it this way when they are teenagers I'm going to have my hands full, scaring the shit outta all the little punks that want to get their hands on my girls. Not saying I wish they was ugly, just knowing they are beautiful girls scares me. _

_I too am sorry you had to go through that with your parents. Divorce is never easy for anyone no matter the situation. _

_I find it very hard to believe that a women like you haven't found yourself a good man yet, but hey maybe the world is more short on good men then I thought. _

_I can understand the short relationships, because as much as I hate to admit I use to be the same. Just looking for a quick lay and when I didn't get it I dump one and moved to the next. But I've done a lot of growing up and I hope telling you this doesn't scare you off from talking to me more. I promise I'm not the same man that I use to be._

_I get my girls every weekend. Pick them up Friday at 6pm and she picks them up Monday at 6am. _

_Emily Sue is the oldest by two and a half minutes. And Emma Rose is my baby girl. _

_With the right women I would love to have another baby...or maybe even two. Hopefully a boy this time. I love my girls, but like every man I want a boy to carry on my name. Do you want kids? Do you want to get married?_

_P.S I'm glad you are doing well._

_P.S.S Do you have somewhere they would be easier to chat? I'm using my phone, so this site is sorta a pain in the ass._

**I guess your right, your going to have a rough time when they get into their teens. My dad was the same way, shotgun loaded every time I mentioned a boy. From use to be teen girl, take it from me be easy on them. Their smarter then you think(:**

**Of course you saying that isn't going to scare me off. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect and I don't want anyone that is. Perfection would be very hard to live up to you know. **

**It's good that you get them often. I see a lot of dad's not get their kids enough and both the kids and the dad suffers from it. **

**By the way you stole my name. I've always loved the name Emma(: Both are very pretty names. I would love to get married and have kids. My goal is to be a English teacher, but my dream is to be a stay at home mom. **

**P.S Yes, I do. Facebook?**

_Then we shall finish this conversation on facebook? _

_Jasper Whitlock_

**We shall**

**Bella Swan(:**

_**Authors Note – So this may seem like a weird place to end it, but it made the most sense for what I have in mind the next few chapters. Basically there is going to be a lot of messaging. I'm not going to write out every conversation they have, but this is a essential part of the story. This is where everything starts. So try to be patient with all the messages between the two. I feel like reading too much of it might get boring!**_

_**Btw as the story picks up updates will be weekly and the chapters will be longer.**_

_**Thanks to all that reviewed!**_

_**As always all character – besides Emily Sue and Emma Rose – belong to the lovely **_

_**Leave me some love(:**_


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